Avalanche and their madness
by Yuffie.K
Summary: This's my first attempt at humour, hope you like it!


The scene opens to an average day in the Costa de sol villa, where AVALANCHE is staying. Barret is forever watching replays of that boring serial (I needn't say it, you know it, I know it, and he knows it.), Red is forever reading, and Cid is forever asking for tea.  
  
Tifa: Cloud is mine!  
Aries: No! He's mine!  
Tifa: He is mine, you slut!  
Aries: You know perfectly well that he prefers me over you, bitch!  
Tifa: You should know that he loves me more, vixen!  
  
Ah, we see Tifa and Aries trying to murder each other with venomous glares and indecent words spewing from their lips. If looks could kill… For safety reasons, they have been placed in straight jackets and are in the opposite corners of the living room. The object of their argument, however…  
  
*Show Cloud using a laptop in the dining room table and looking VERY interested in the web site he's in.*  
  
Cloud: Hey! Honeybee Inn has a website! And they have REALLY fascinating pictures of … … (paused as he was distracted by sounds of ripping and tearing coming from the living room, followed by hurried footsteps.)  
  
Tifa and Aries, somehow gotten free of the straight jackets, came in through the door. It   
was a miracle that they did not tear each other into pieces when they got free, but it must be noted that they were desperate for a definite answer from Cloud.  
  
Aries (leaning sexily against the door frame and wheedling) : Cloud dear?  
Cloud (hurriedly blacking out the screen on his laptop) : Er…Yes?  
Tifa (as sweetly as she could and trying to top Aries's pose) : Do you have a moment to spare?  
Cloud (now really wary about this whole thing) : Er…I think so.  
Tifa and Aries (together): Can you make known the object of your affection now?  
(Throw each other lethal glares immediately after asking.)   
  
The air was suddenly pierced by an ear-splitting scream. A voice, unmistakably Yuffie's, was screaming like mad.  
  
Yuffie: AHHHHH!!! THE LUNATICS HAVE ESCAPED! CLOUD! YOU BETTER WATCH OUT!   
  
Hence shrieking, she arrived at the dining room.  
  
Cloud: Yuffie!   
Aries and Tifa (Very incredulously) : Yuffie?  
(Both turn to glare at Yuffie, who became more hysterical.)  
  
Cloud: Er.. yes, Yuffie. Er… Yuffie! I…er… love you!  
Yuffie(suddenly calming down): Me? But I already have a sweetheart.  
Tifa and Aries breathe sighs of relief, while Cloud took this moment to escape with his laptop by the back door.   
  
Not noticing Cloud's escape, Tifa and Aries, to secure what they think as their position with Cloud, and as typical gossips, asked Yuffie: Who?  
  
Vincent, unfortunately, chose this moment to make his entrance from the back door, which brought the absence of Cloud to attentions of Aries and Tifa.   
  
Aries and Tifa(both gasp at the same time): CLOUD! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!  
(ran out of the open back door.)  
  
Yuffie (yelling): VINNY!  
  
Flung her arms around him and managed to knock them both onto the floor.  
  
Yuffie: Vincent! I missed you!  
Vincent: huh? But I was gone for only ten minutes!  
Yuffie(whining): That's a long time.  
Vincent: But…  
  
Reno(appeared out of nowhere and viciously addressed Vincent.): Get off my girl now!!!  
  
Vincent: Me? But she's on top of…  
  
Reno (Ignoring Vincent): My lady, are you hurt? (reaches out a hand to help Yuffie up.)  
  
Yuffie: Who's your girl? (ignores the hand and climbed up by herself.) And what are you doing here? This villa is for AVALANCHE! When did you become an AVALANCHE member?  
(a pause.) AHHH! TuRK! I'M TALKING TO A TURK! *Screams*  
  
Vincent: Er… Yuffie… Guess what. I just joined the Turks again.  
  
Yuffie: (calms down suddenly) Oh. Then in that case, I Love Turks! ( Kisses Vincent on the lips)  
  
Reno: (tapping Yuffie on her shoulder) Then what about me?  
  
Vincent: (After managing to break from Yuffie's kiss and blushing very badly) Er.. wait. I've some things to settle with Reno first. Reno! You stole my trademark of appearing suddenly! I'm going to sue you!   
  
Reno:……  
  
Vincent: And you stole my silences too! You'll really get it when I sue you!  
  
Reno:……  
  
Vincent(desperately trying to think of things to say to keep Yuffie from kissing him again.) : and, er… you know the party for the… Turks I…er… orgainised that is…er… starting about now?  
  
Reno: Party? What party?  
  
Yuffie: Oooo! I love parties!  
  
Vincent (rather hurriedly): er… I meant …meeting! The meeting I scheduled for today around this time! We must go if we don't want to be late!  
  
Reno: Meeting?  
  
Vincent: I…uh… see you've forgotten about it. Never mind, let's.. uh… go now!   
  
So saying, he swept out of the dining room dragging Reno with him; *Show Reno being dragged out and blowing a kiss to Yuffie at the same time*  
  
Yuffie: YuckZ!  
Cait Sith (hopping in): What was that commotion just now?  
Yuffie: None of your business!  
Cait Sith: Ah, then allow me to make it my business. Do you want your fortune told?  
Yuffie: Leave me alone!  
Cait Sith: Never mind if you do not, I'll read it anyway!  
Yuffie: grrr…..  
Cait Sith(printing out the fortune slip): Ah! Here it is now!  
  
Yuffie, overcame with frustration, ripped Cait Sith into pieces with her conformer.   
  
Yuffie: Ah, well, Reeve can make another one. (bends and picks up the fortune slip and reads it aloud) Today the tall dark man you love would leave you for --.-.--.-.- A tall dark man? Isn't that Vincent? AHHH!! You goddamned robot! Why didn't you finish printing that stupid sentence?!!? ( Runs off to search for Vincent.)  
  
The dining room was once more plunged into silence. *Zoom in on the mauled body of Cait Sith* The stench of death hangs in the air…  
  
Cid (Voice-over form the living room): Where is my goddamned TEA!?!?!?  
  
~EnD~  
  
  



End file.
